i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
