You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
