its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We need to get me chipped asap
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
