I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
