Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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