guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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