how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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