Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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