Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
