mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
