There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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