Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
