You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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