oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
