If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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