No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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