do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
