O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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