when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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