So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
