He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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