and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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