This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
