I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
