Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
