There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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