I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
why is half of my head shaved?
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