Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
