I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
two words...techno handjob
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
