So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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