How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it hurts more in the daytime
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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