I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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