Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
