so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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