I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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