How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
