i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
