hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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