We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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