I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
