He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
