you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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