Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
