U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
