She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
