I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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