I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone came in the potted fern
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
