Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
