I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
