is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
