my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
