Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
