Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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