I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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