i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
