i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
