someone owes me an orgasm
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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