Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
