I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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