she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
