Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
