Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
