I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh god it's open bar.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
