i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
